AITA for confronting my wife after I found out she was emotionally involved with a coworker?

I’m 35M, married to my wife 33F for 7 years. We’ve had normal ups and downs, nothing extreme, at least from my side. A few months ago she started working longer hours and became more protective of her phone. I didn’t think much of it at first, but she also started acting emotionally distant, like she wasn’t really present in our conversations.

A colleague of mine 36M mentioned seeing her a lot with a 30M coworker during late shifts. I didn’t confront her immediately because I didn’t want to assume the worst. But things kept adding up—she’d smile at her phone, then put it away when I walked in, and stop talking mid-conversation when I asked about her day.

One evening she told me she had a “work dinner.” I later found out from a mutual acquaintance 34F that it was just a small office get-together at a restaurant. I went there because I wanted to see things for myself, not to create a scene. I stayed outside for a while and eventually saw her sitting close to that same 30M coworker, leaning in while talking. It didn’t look openly physical, but it didn’t look normal either.

When I finally walked in and sat down near them, my wife 33F noticed me and immediately went quiet. The coworker 30M looked uncomfortable and tried to continue the conversation, but I asked my wife directly if we could talk outside for a minute—

We stepped outside. I didn’t raise my voice. I just asked her what was going on between her and him, because from my perspective it didn’t feel like a normal friendship anymore.

She initially said I was “reading too much into it” and that he was just a colleague she got along with. I told her it wasn’t just one moment—it was a pattern over weeks. The late nights, the secrecy with her phone, the emotional distance at home.

She got defensive and said I was “monitoring her too much,” which wasn’t really true. I told her I wasn’t trying to control her, I just wanted honesty.

There was a pause, and then she admitted she had developed an emotional attachment to him. She said they talked a lot about work stress and personal things, and that she “didn’t intend for it to go anywhere.”

I asked her directly if anything physical had happened. She hesitated and said no, then added that they had crossed “some boundaries” like private conversations and emotional intimacy she knew was inappropriate.

That answer honestly confused me more than anything. It wasn’t a clear confession, but it also wasn’t nothing.

We stood there for a while not really arguing, just trying to process it. She said she didn’t want to lose our marriage and that she would cut contact with him if I wanted her to.

The coworker came out briefly to check if everything was okay, but I told him this wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with him. He left shortly after.

We went home separately that night. Since then, she has said I embarrassed her by confronting her at the dinner instead of talking privately at home first. I told her I only went because I felt like I wasn’t getting the truth when I asked directly.

Now she’s distant, staying at her sister’s place, and says I “blew things up” instead of handling it calmly.

I keep going back and forth—maybe I should’ve waited and talked to her at home. But I also feel like I was already being shut out and needed clarity.

AITA for confronting her in that moment instead of keeping it private?